i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I will be naked everywhere
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Randomize
