guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
