I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
