miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
last night I used snow as a chaser
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
