I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
