sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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