You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
