we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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