Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
