Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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