The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Semen is not good for contacts.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
