; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
