hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Randomize
