omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
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