I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
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