Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize