I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
