she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Randomize
