I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Sorry about my life...
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