in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
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