also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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