Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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