i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
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