Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
