so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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