it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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