apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
