My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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