I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
