Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
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