so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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