now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
