it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
