i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Are these your boobs on my camera?
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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