ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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