Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize