Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
