Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
