i already hear my dad disowning me
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
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