I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
