i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
