How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I think I just sharted jello shots
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