So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize