Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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