WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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