yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Randomize
