Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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