I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Randomize
