My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
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