I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
