You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
