my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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