I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
