btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
