Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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