Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize