next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Randomize
