pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
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