I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
