Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
