why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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