Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize
