i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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