There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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