I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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