wat bout pragnant strippers??
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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