census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Randomize
