I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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