Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
