Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Randomize
