Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize
