I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
