I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
