are you still at the devil's house?
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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