There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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