Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
