I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
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