dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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