So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
