Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
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