I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Randomize