You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
