So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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