you win again, gameday.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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