So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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