u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I'm passing your future prison.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
