so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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