Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
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