Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
you didnt know i had herpes?
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Randomize
