I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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