do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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